My Life As Of Now.

   This is my safe place. Where I can be myself and vent. I don't think anyone reads this but me, but I don't really write for anyone else but myself. 
   School is hard right now. Not just "oh I thought it would be so easy, why isn't it" hard but "oh my shit, I knew it would be hard but this isn't fair at all. I worked so hard to get here". 
   I feel as though everything I have worked toward in life is slowly falling apart. Learning disabilities are not easy to live with. Trying to overcome it has never been a cake walk, but I thought I was at least getting to the point where it was easier to deal with.
   TWC was meant to be an exciting, amazing, and wonderful new chapter in my life, but all it is doing is filling those pages with tears. I cry every other day in the girls bathroom. 
   I am failing. I have worked my ass off for the last two and a half years so I can come to this expensive school, which is an hour away from Knoxville to and from, so I can cry and fail. 
   I try to look for the positive but I am very angry and bitter. I feel like I am this huge joke someone is laughing about. Why is it that others can read a chapter in a book and hardly pay attention to it and get B's on an exam and I read the chapter from top to bottom and study every day and when I get my test scores back they are marked with an F or D. Why is that fair.
   I look around at all the students here and see them happy walking to and from classes together. I see them sitting at lunch together laughing and talking. Where am I? At a table all alone with no one to sit with. I have tried to sit with others, but I do not know anyone. You can see they are in no mood to make more friends, everyone here either went to high school together, or had classes last semester with one another. Or they room with each other or a friend of a friend.
   I want to be able to have some type of friendship with someone here but I feel like that will never happen. The girls here are very Mean Girl. 
   I have friends in Knoxville but it would help to have someone here. I am in freshman classes which does not allow me to meet anyone outside of the freshman swimming pool, which sucks.

   I hate it here.
   I am sick of crying over my grades.
   I am sick of sitting alone. 
   I am sick of the bitches that go here.
   I am sick of feeling stupid and dumb. 
   I am sick of feeling alone. 

   I am sick of this place period.